No this isn’t a review of Beyoncé’s highly acclaimed “Lemonade” (as great as it was). Just take a second and reread the title of this post. Now instead of pondering what answer you’d pick, ask yourself why this is a question being asked in the first place. You might find it hard to come to an answer but *Lightbulb* I think I figured it out. I hate to blame us millennials but we’re all types of fucked up. We are afraid to feel. We live in a world where not catching feelings is a priority, as if it’s wrong to feel, God forbid to love, but here we are commenting “goals” on our friends Ig pics. We want to be happy but we fight it because the idea that someone doesn’t feel the same is so freaking scary that it’s better to just avoid it. But here’s where shit gets really weird, when you feel as though you’re gona take a risk with someone and they start acting in a way you don’t appreciate, we keep our mouth shut. Drake said “Know your worth”, and now my TL says to tax that shit on top of that, ok cool, so when do I start acting on these lyrics? Instead we make excuses, and ladies I’m talking to you now, we make up shit and we forgive to a fault when we know damn well we’re worth more than that. And you know why we make these excuses because we don’t want to look Jealous OR Crazy!! Stop letting society tell you you’re wrong because you want to address an issue with the guy/girl you like. Ladies stop letting society tell you that you’re crazy (unless your one of those chicks who bashes his windshield, you crazy) because you want to address something that may seem meaningless to someone else but meaningful to you. Stop dismissing your feelings. Stop feeling like people don’t owe you anything because you haven’t “established” something. You are owed what you give, and if you give respect your potential partner should reciprocate. If you give consistency, you deserve consistency. Stop waiting for a title to dictate how you should treat someone, practice makes perfect right? Maybe if you started now, things will work out better down the line.
As of late, life has been really interesting to say the least in terms of my love life. This is what I have learned thus far and can maybe help you, my imaginary readers.
- It’s okay to be picky. It’s so easy to simply remove the anchovy off of the pizza and it’s that easy in life. I’m not saying to be picky about hair color and what not but if you don’t like a certain quality about someone and this quality is a real decisive factor for you, it’s okay to move on. I found that I would play a balance game, “It’s okay that he makes nasty comments about my culture because he’s ambitious and he’s a gentleman”. I didn’t even realize I was making these fucked up compromises and consistently brushing things off that I knew I did not like till it was too late. You’re not going to like everything about someone, and that’s okay but if the good doesn’t outweigh the bad significantly, you might want to reevaluate cause anchovy pizza taste like shit no matter how much cheese I put on it.
- I recently read a book called “The Defining Decade: Making the Best of Your 20’s” by Dr. Meg Jay. I recommend it to everyone because that book should honestly be assigned as required reading before the age of 24. Anyway one of the biggest things I took from that book as I move through my life and subconsciously look for a potential life partner, is how you should approach assessing a new partner. So basically Dr. Meg says we need to approach our partners the same way we would approach a job opportunity. Scenario: You’re offered two jobs after graduation, one offers 70k the other is 45k. The 70k job is in a well-established company, a promotion would come in maybe 7-10 years and you wouldn’t have much power to expand upon your job description or dabble in other realms. The 45k job is in a new company that shows a lot of promise, with a lot of opportunity to grow and a promotion in the next 3 years. Which job do you choose? My loans say choose the 70k but my dreams say 45k. You should approach relationships the same way. If you consistently choose 70k guys, you will get stuck. You can’t grow with someone who never even showed that they were capable of moving past the boyfriend stage, or God forbid the guy who stays engaged for 8 years. Partners are just like job opportunities, you are investing in your future, so you might have to choose the riskier option sometimes for success later.
- Red flags are not suggestions. The “No Trespassing “ sign isn’t there just to remind you that it’s illegal to trespass, it’s also there so when you get electrocuted for ignoring it, that company is not liable. If you ignore a red flag and get burned, you can’t be mad, because you knew. That is all.