Early in January of 2016, January 5th to be exact I cut my hair. I had cut my hair numerous times before, but this was the first time I had gotten a curly cut. This would mean that I would have to finally embrace my curls and wear my hair naturally. I wasn’t the slightest bit scared, I really like change and after a very metamorphic 2015, I was ready for something new. So when I showed up at “The Curl Whisperer” Salon for my $100 cut, yes a hundred fucking dollars, I was kind of nervous but excited. When she finished, I felt like shit, I felt ugly and my hair was so damn short. I had grown up my whole life with long natural hair that people would often compliment, and honestly no shade but I felt like the stereotypical black girl with short hair. Here’s the thing though, I had spent $100 and had to listen to my mom (she’s been permed since age 17) talk about how crazy she thought I was for even wanting to rock natural hair. She wasn’t a fan and that was really annoying to deal with. When I got home I decided to put makeup on and a nice top and take selfies, I made the decision to love my hair. Now that I look back, I was being incredibly melodramatic and totally unreasonable, my curls were POPPIN and because I had such a great stylist, as my hair grew the cut framed my face perfectly. I’m not into New Year’s Resolutions but that day I decided that I needed to revamp my outlook like I revamped my look. I had to decide to approach life with a positive outlook. Since then I came up with (or maybe I read it and took it as my own) “+ vibes only”. I try to incorporate this in my daily life and especially in situations where trying to remain positive is especially tough. Here’s the thing about happiness it doesn’t just happen, you have to make your own happiness. It all starts with surrounding yourself with positivity. This isn’t about to be some How To sappy ass guide on how to achieve happiness, cause I don’t have the answers. All I have is my experiences.
All of this is much easier said than done. Remaining positive is a freaking commitment. I’m at a point right now where I feel as though I have a pretty good map to my professional goals but I feel like I’m stuck at the toll right before the exit to my personal goals. I hate to bring it back to relationships but that’s what it comes down to. I envy the girls who get to date sporadically and gain experience in dealing with various guys because they are learning!!! Like is there an internship I can get on how to weed out the fuckboys from the rest of the pack? Ya girl is lost and I genuinely find it difficult to remain positive when I feel so unfulfilled. I feel like one of those idiot guys who only works on his upper body and has toothpicks as legs. Here’s what I’m learning though, life isn’t parallel, you won’t make “gainz” in every part of your life at the same time. I know that sounds obvious, but as a very visual person, not being able to visualize that part of my future is really frustrating. You ever heard that expression “Let Go and Let God”? I am not an extremely religious person, I kind of rejected the whole concept after being raised catholic, but that’s another story. Nonetheless, I am a Christian and having that fall back and knowing that it’s not in my hands, has made it much easier to remain positive.
Major Key: Your Circle
Positivity isn’t just something you pursue internally, it should be around you.
Story Time: Late last year, I had made some new friends. Very cool group of people, hard workers and overall good vibes. These were people I began to communicate with on a daily basis. As the friendships progressed, one of them accused me of something I hadn’t done, instead of asking me If was guilty of this, the individual told everyone else in the group but me what he/she thought I had done. (For the sake of the story, we’re gona name the individual Joe). Everyone else in the friend group believed Joe, and didn’t bother to ask for my side of the story or even inform me that Joe was upset. It wasn’t till I sensed something was up, that I decided to ask one of them why I hadn’t heard from them or Joe specifically. To make a very childish story short, I didn’t do whatever Joe thought I did and it turned out to be a big misunderstanding. I wasn’t upset at Joe, I just noted that he was very immature and didn’t know how to communicate. I was upset with my “friends”, the ones who didn’t even bother to tell me what was up and believed Joe! At that moment I realized, these people were not only not my friends but not people I wanted keep around anymore. They were no longer positive influences. So I cut them out, and I don’t mean I altogether stopped talking to them, I just slowly took myself out of that situation.
What I learned: Not everyone in your life brings value to it and you may not realize that at first. However once you do, remove yourself. If you don’t bring value what do you bring? There’s a bunch of different types of friends, the ones you party with, the ones you can call if you’re in trouble and the real ass friends your parents ask you about. They each serve a purpose in your life. Most important are those real ass friends. They have the biggest impact in your life because it’s likely you run life’s most ponderous choices by them first, because you value their input and opinion. To surround yourself with trash, is to synonymize yourself as trash. You are who you surround yourself with, so surround yourself with people who are as ambitious as you and who uplift you! I really want to emphasize on the uplifting part because there are people who are driven and who have everything going for them but they are not positive individuals. They complain, make you feel inferior, and are overall Debbie Downers, steer clear of these people! They might help you in your professional goals but they will not uplift you, if you keep them around, make sure it’s at arm’s length.
Last but not least, your family!! For some blood is not thicker than water, but if you’re like me and are blessed to come from a supportive family, use them. They can always be an amazing source of positivity and comfort.
Above all, understand that the pursuit of happiness cannot be achieved without a commitment to being positive in all realms of your life.
+ vibes only, always.