“It’s Not That Deep”, a phrase I use both verbally and internally at least 900 times a day. Perspective is everything, and I’m committed to staying true to my mantra “+vibes only”. However, this doesn’t mean that Life really gives a shit about my pursuit to remain positive, it’s gona throw shit at me regardless cause that’s just what Life does.
I say that phrase way too often and sometimes it really is that deep. I tell myself things aren’t that deep for a number of reasons:
- It’s a trivial issue and is not worth expending my energy on being upset about it.
- The energy I will spend addressing the issue does not outweigh the consequences of doing so.
- I don’t like beef, so I don’t want to be on bad terms with anyone.
- I’m deciding to pretend it doesn’t bother me in the hopes that it will just go away.
- The person or situation that has upset me isn’t really someone or something I care about so I choose to leave it alone.
Most of the time it’s a combination of a number of these but usually it all reverts back to number 1. I’m at the point now where I have convinced myself that almost everything is too trivial to address. I tell myself that I have other things to accomplish on my goals list and that my focus should not be interrupted by a comment someone made or a situation that should’ve gone differently. I tell myself to rise above because I’m not in business of being petty or instigating shit. Here’s the thing though, as often as I am right in assessing that an issue is not worth my time/energy, a lot of the time I’m wrong. Instead, I suppress my feelings about something “trivial” and just pretend it doesn’t bother me. I don’t acknowledge how I feel, or even worse, I acknowledge it and then choose to ignore it.
It’s funny cause I always tell people I don’t get mad easily and while I really feel like I don’t, I think it all stems around this idea that I’ve conditioned myself to suppress so much of how I truly feel. I downplay almost everything and vocalize nothing. Here’s where this behavior starts to really fuck with you though: When you carry on suppressing your feelings for so long, you can’t sympathize when people around you address something with you. Recently I made a comment to a group of friends and they were really bothered by it. I couldn’t understand why they were so upset because in my eyes “it wasn’t that deep”. Instead of trying to hear them out, I was too busy trying to get them to brush it off. I was trying to get them to categorize the situation as “trivial”, the same way I would’ve done! Who was I to tell my friends to brush it off? It is never your place to tell someone how they should feel about something. We’re all wired differently so what offends people is subjective.
On another note, this issue of suppressing crap is even more detrimental when you’re starting a relationship with a potential significant other. Imagine you’re on month 2 of the “talking phase” and shits all cupcakes and rainbows but then the person you’re feeling says some shit you really should address but “it’s not that deep” so you don’t. Everything is wavy right now so why fuck that up, right? Now fast forward 6 months and it comes up again. This time you don’t care not to fuck things up cause you’ve told yourself that you’ve “laid a foundation”, so you address it. Either, it turns into some larger argument or if you have an understanding/mature/ communicative partner, you talk it out. Wouldn’t it have been easier to just address how you feel earlier? That’s how you lay a foundation. Think about it, when you did something wrong as a child, your parents didn’t wait for you to fuck up again before you got reprimanded. Nip it in the bud early. Communication saves relations.
The more I think about this, the more hypocritical it all seems. We demand that the people in our lives be real with us, but we’re not even real with ourselves. Ultimately, the line between what’s “deep” enough to address and what isn’t is a personal decision. The pursuit of happiness other than self-love and a commitment to positivity, is self-realization. So next time “it’s not that deep”, be real with yourself and follow through.
+vibes only, always.