You’re probably wondering why I named this blog post this and if in fact Black people do blush. Honestly, I don’t know, and I don’t know where I’m going with this but it’s a realization I had when I was “blushing” (well I think). I can’t actually confirm this or not cause it’s not like I could feel any blood rushing to my cheeks and of course my skin color would not affirm this even with a mirror. I’m just gona call it blushing cause it’s what I imagine fair skinned people experience.
So here I am “blushing” and I realize something I value, genuineness. I wasn’t blushing because I was flattered but because I was so shocked by the genuineness I was shown, I didn’t know how to react.
For quite some time now, I have struggled with the kind of human that I am. I often wish I were more selfish, malicious, or manipulative. I know it’s fucked up but I would probably care about a lot less. But I’m not programmed that way, and it’s something I’m coming to terms with. I don’t half-ass anything in my life, whether related to my professional endeavors or my personal relationships. It’s all very black & white with me; I’m either all the way in or I’m out. The problem is the rest of world is full of grey colored motherfuckers who practice a perfected mixture of minimal effort and fake compassion. “Fake Love” is easily one of Drake’s worst songs (mad catchy though, I’ll give him that) but buddy was on to something. We live in a world where people put forth minuscule amounts of effort and expect to yield authenticity. As a result, you get caught up deciding between going all in or falling back for fear of “doing the most”. Think of it as diluting yourself. Who the fuck wants Ocean Spray’s Cran-Apple mixed with water? (I’m straight). And yet I find myself typing messages and backspacing cause I don’t want to do “too much”.
The real reason for this behavior lies in the fact that we carry on relationships with people who would not do for us as we would do for them. So we question how much we care, and attempt to downsize our natural instinct to simply be ourselves. It’s a tough pill to swallow knowing you’re willing to go harder for someone who wouldn’t think to do the same for you. And quite frankly, it’s draining. However, what I’m realizing is you have zero control over how genuine someone is willing to be with you. We can only control ourselves and whom WE allow to bless with the kind of commitment and consistency we’re willing to give. So if you’re distrustful of people’s intentions, like I am, accept that, but don’t alter how you interact with them if what you’re seeking is reciprocation. The real attract the real, so let the universe work in peace.
As I navigate this world and move on to new experiences, I am consciously developing an anti-fake love repellent, figuratively of course. I am removing myself from relationships focused on one-sided gain and taking more time to appreciate the genuineness that is in my life. I preach a lot about surrounding yourself with positivity but it’s not just positive people this world needs or I need or you need, it’s genuine people. Genuineness isn’t something you can necessarily ascertain within the first few minuets of meeting someone, but with time it becomes evident. It’s the feeling of knowing that your effort is not only appreciated but it’s matched. It’s the kind of rarely encountered realness that made my Black ass fucking blush!
So carry on being and doing “the most” if that’s the kind of individual that you are. Shit, I am. Don’t water down who you are for anybody, they probably weren’t deserving of you anyway.
+vibes only, always.