New.

That’s what I’m living right now. Like a freshly unwrapped Christmas gift. Life is shiny. New school, new home,  new nail tech (she ain’t got shit on Tami though), new normal. New is great, new is a fresh start. But new is…temporary. Soon my toy will wear; it’ll break or suddenly no longer garner the same attention I once gave it.

“New” is starting to set in and while I’m still intrigued by my surroundings, by the people I’m meeting, by the prospect of new experiences…reality is beginning to set in.

Change is great, because it’s all encompassing, it masks whatever other shit you had going on. We become infatuated with this idea of newness. But change is like that cheap Bath&Body Works spritzer, the shit fades. And I am beginning to realize that removing myself physically from what I believed to be the source of my unhappiness or discomfort was just a cheap attempt at further burying my thoughts.  Often, we think that change, on a grand scale, will bring solutions to our problems…only to be faced with the fact that your surroundings are not at all the cause.

I’ve been living on the surface, distracted by the “newness” and now I am slapped with the reality of my issues, which are far deeper than this brand new plastic life. Change doesn’t bring answers to questions you already have and it doesn’t correct behavior you’re too busy ignoring. Maybe it’s my fault for putting too much emphasis, too much pressure, or too much reliance on change…to change me. When rather, my issues are dependent on finding the change within myself and not my exterior surroundings.

There’s beauty in the struggle though! While you may become conflicted with your issues, like I am, your newness will help to approach them with a completely unique perspective. It’s easy to be someone different when you’re somewhere different. The chance to improve upon myself while discovering my new self is honestly what I should’ve been excited about.

So take the chance, get hype about the prospect of newness but don’t become wrapped up in the idea of it. The pursuit of happiness is ultimately an internal quest.

+vibes, always.

 

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